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Introduction
by the author
Well, where to start! I was born In 1965 and so far have lived all of my life in my home town of Hastings, East Sussex. Up until recently I had always been more renowned for my connections to music than my writing, having in my youth, written and recorded my own lyrics whilst using other artists instrumental tracks. In fact you could say that in the 1980’s I was the “Puff Daddy” of the age!
These days however my “singing career” consists only of regular appearances on the local “karaoke circuit” where I take part in the odd competition.
To say that I have always been somewhat of a music buff would be an understatement and my record and CD collection now contains some 5-7 thousand items.
As well as my lyric writing and singing, for many years I worked part-time as a Disc Jockey performing at Nightclubs, Weddings, and Parties, until finally deciding to “hang up my headphones” in 2001.
I enjoy traveling and love a good conversation (I can “talk for England” I am told) and good company.
As far as writing goes I have always had an interest in it, and as a kid used to produce my own magazine called “Amayzing” that I would distribute to friends.
Rather an opinionated person (well, at least I’m honest!) I guess I have always felt a need to express myself, and writing really does give you “somewhere to take” each and every kind of feeling. Nearly all of my work I describe as “emotionally based” and what ends up on the paper therefore usually just “comes”. I would describe my writing style as spontaneous, honest, sentimental and naked.
Perhaps, like a lot of sentimental people, at times I do find life to be rather difficult and it is perhaps because of this that a lot of my writings have rather a dark shade to them. Still, as I always say to those that judge my work, people don’t always write when they are happy or thinking straight and sometimes it is good to leave in that “element of wonder”. Having been to many Shorelink meetings and to two Fed (Federation Of Worker Writers and Community Publishers) Weekends I have now gained however, a certain level of confidence in my writing skills, and to anyone reading this and thinking about joining us, I would say “Come along!”
Well that’s me “warts and all”, I hope that you enjoy some of my work and that perhaps some of what I have written will touch you.
| Bad Dreams |
|
Where were you last night when I needed you?
In my moment of weakness where oh where were your arms?
Why could I not feel your kiss upon my cheek
Smell the sweet scent of your skin
In my bed though you were absent
So in my head there thank God you were
Though your vision alone could do nothing to comfort me
Or cease the aching of my heart
These feelings of emptiness, of isolation
Sometimes become simply so intense
As the future itself unfolds in front of me
My thoughts so they focus on death
Where were you my sweet darling?
Last night when I needed you so
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| Dream On |
|
Simple enough, my human desires
Natural enough my basic needs
Why so difficult then to acquire?
Why so much hurt to achieve?
A cold winter's eve
Log fire
No television
No distractions
You and me
With every word I say to you
With every slight glimpse that I see of you
My heart sings
You warm my very being
To listen to your laugh
To watch the multitude of emotions cover your face
All is blissÉ
My arm around you
Your head on my shoulder
Together we sit and watch flames dance
For this is belonging
For this is the whole
For this is what it is to be loved
Such an innocent setting
So attainableÉ
A dream?
Christmas, a tree full of presents
Wrapped full of surprises
Parcels of love
For me to be in your presence is more than enough
You gaze wide-eyed smiling as the paper you tear
And then you start crying when you discover what's there
Kiss me and hug me,
ÒThank you, thank youÓ you say
But it should be I to thank you
For your love every day
My Darling so complex
At times truly bizarre
But I would not change
The person you are
Kick me or punch me
Wrack me with pain
Yet the day that you leave,
I'll never be the same
When last at my funeral
They play loudly your songs
My life surely ended
The day you were gone
But truly blessed are those
That loved and lost
|
| Old Friend |
|
One day IÕll hop on a passing cloud
Come to visit you from far away
Far, far awayÉ
IÕll stare into the eyes of my unborn children
And for you, outwardly at least, I will smile
Cup of tea?
Slice of toast?
Hospitality at least shall provide a hint of normality to proceedingsÉ
Over mulled wine you and I will talk, smile, reminisce and
Spend a few happy hours together
The motions will, as they say, be well and truly gone through
ForÉ
I will mention nothing of desperate loneliness, gnawing longing,
Nor frustrated passion
For your part you will say nothing of letting go, moving on or endings
But plenty of old times, friendship and of how good it is to see me again
After all these years
A few more stolen hours of my dreams experienced
I will afterward catch the next black cloud home
Whilst en Ð route itÕs rain shall fall as my tears
|
| Growing Pains |
|
Gradually here was I left alone
To mull over the error of my ways
To reflect upon the curse that is growth
To mourn that which is lost with the coming of change
I was to be displaced, disgraced, distanced
Trapped within a bygone age
In a bygone place
Surrounded only by bygone faces
For time had accelerated
I however had not kept pace
My shrinking universe did threaten to consume me
Devour my spirit as if the hunger of a generation of mouths
Technological as well as emotional soldiers
Prepared a siege to last many years
Built with blocks of inexperience
A solid surrounding stone wall above which I could not see
Ultimately it would be one from which I would only just escape
Battleweary, tearful, dizzy and dishevelled
For time had accelerated
Whilst I had chosen not to keep pace
The present day finds me also alone
Yet there are at last green shoots of hope
Growth finally embraced a spirtual kiss and make up
Olive branches held out arms out wide
The destructive powers of innocence
Temporarilly curtailed
For time had accelerated
And I at last had begun to run
|
| Leader of the Gang |
|
Childhood idol
Loved so innocently
So perfect
Someone to be like when I grew up
His music
So unforgettable
So brilliant
So exciting!
To this impressionable boy he was truly...
The leader of the gang
Glam and Glitter
Platform boots
Open mouth, swivelling hips, raised eyebrows, bare chest
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Posters on my bedroom wall
Thoughts of him every day in my head
Listening to the top 40 rundown on a Sunday and HOPING
Someone and something to care about
You see to this impressionable boy he was truly...
The leader of the gang
Young boy now a teenager
Childhood idols star now faded
But not in my heart
Never in this heart
For he was so perfect
My idol
My every inspiration
And an ispiration he still was
For to this teenage boy he could only ever be...
The leader of the gang
Teenager grows to a man
Fond memories untainted with time
Sing his songs at Karaoke
Pull faces, swivell own hips!
Glam star the king of comebacks
Ever present as time goes by
As if a constant companion
Since childhood
Still then even to this man he was...
The leader of the gang
Then the shock of his conviction
Terrible the gravity of his crimes
This perfect man, this idol
Suddenly perfect no more
Irreversably tainted forever
Glitter would never sparkle so brightly again
No more comebacks
Posters taken from the walls of my heart
Undescribable and unceasing is the pain of discovering
That he never REALLY was...
The leader of the gang.
|
| Monochrome |
Monochrome, I am monochrome
Colourless, I have no sparkle
Black and white
I see only good and evil
I am detached, separate, singular
For I do not tie my flag to any mast
My neutrality is my morality
I judge not, I judge not
Monochrome, standard not special
Unremarkable, average, your ordinary kind of fellow
It can be lonely being monochrome
For I can belong to no race or creed
Black and white in harmony
Perhaps monochrome is what this world needs
|
| This House |
Here I have lived
Here I have loved
Here I have laughed
Here I have cried
Happiness exudes from these walls
Though many tears have soaked into these porous bricks
Memories live and breathe in every room
Bringing to mind a story of a timeÉ when
I brought up my children here
Their childish laughter but a thought away
Train sets played with happily
On lawns during summers days
I recall BritainÕs terrifyingly darkest days
Those years 39 -45
Huddled together we all said our prayers
Safe in the cupboard under the stairs
Here I have shared
Here I have cared
Here I have worked
Here I have relaxed
Times have come times have passed
Yet here I have remained
So much comfort in stability
In this house so I have gained
Now I am old and much has changed
Technology so very far advanced
But I do not need a P.C Mac
For happy memories to flood back
In my retirement years I beg you let me rest
Here at home, this place, my nest
IÕm far too old for a fresh start
This house is where belongs my heart
Here I have witnessed
Here I have observed
Here I belong
Here I shall die.
|
| To Absent Friends |
Dear Friend now departed
How I miss your company
Your interest in shared opinions
So many cups of tea
Debate, discuss, listen and learn
Opinions we would swap
Sometimes even agreeing
Though more often we would not
Funny how now I realize
Just what friendship really means
Companionship and laughter
Someone to share your dreams
So I thank you for your input
For you inspired and changed my life
Dear friend now departed
From this world of strife
Dedicated to the memory of Simon Patrick Kerr Griffiths (1946-2001) |
| Game of Life |
Where are my children
Where is my wife
Where can I find this thing called a life
Fiends round for coffee
Night out with the lads
No one to diffuse this bomb thatÕs marked sad
Fear of the future
Haunted by the past
This race of existence, have I run a last?
Learn from mistakes
But decisions are made
Foundation stones settled firmly in place
No second chances
Reviews or rewinds
Pray to almighty for much happier times
Communicate these feelings
So all sufferers can know
In this world of loneliness your not on your own
|
Milestone |
|
One last look back
IÕm turning 40
Youth slipping away
Age finally caught me
A moment to remember the places I have been
A smile or a tear for the people I have seen
Facing tomorrow I must try with that smile
To remember not dwell
To remember not dwell
Time to look forward
Plan for what is next
Time for great courage
For life is complex
A Hug for the living a song for the lost
A time to reflect on the emotional cost
Live for today extract the maximum gain
For none of us get to do it again
For none of us get to do it again
All
works copyright © Tony May 2005
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